i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
