Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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