I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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