Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
