You really coming over, don't trick.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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