Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
