hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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