Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
