Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
