I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Drunk walkin through police station. America
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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