My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
