So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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