It's Friday. Sex?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
