It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
