I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
