somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
