so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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