You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I will pee on everything he values.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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