Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
My vagina is officially offended.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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