he wants to bone in the snuggie
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
