maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
