Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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