Well douche your snatch and let's go!
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I fill condoms, not promises.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
