Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Randomize
