his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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