low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
