after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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