i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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