Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
