Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
