I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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