i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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