I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
