It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
