he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
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