i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
