I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
