So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
it's like heaven, but drunker
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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