she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
The power of my boobs compel you
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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