When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
