we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
