im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
