We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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