i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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