i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
