so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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