if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
