she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
