I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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