put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
