Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
