Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
