census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
