As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
