I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Randomize
